Jim: Ah, you’re hired! Welcome aboard. Welcome to Fishing Without Bait – a lifetime without definitive expectations. Where we take people on a journey down rabbit holes and through the looking glass to experience life in full technicolor. We help people come out of their cocoon and experience their life with full-impact mindfulness. Today, as always, I’m joined by my good friend, co-host, and producer of this program – Mr. Mike. Mr. Mike, have you ever been hired?
Mike: Yeah. Of course. You know, there was that summer gig at Perkins one time as a server. You know, little stuff like that.
Jim: So, generally when people present themselves at a job interview, they’re trying to put their best face on.
Mike: Oh yeah. It’s so nerve-wracking because you want to be good enough for them to take you on.
Jim: There you go. You want to be good enough for them to take you on. You’re kind of subservient, are you not? You’re kind of begging and crawling, I think.
Mike: Oh, absolutely. And, you’re concerned with saying the right thing to get the job, to be accepted rather than being you.
Jim: Please take me. Please take me.
Mike: I really need this job.
Jim: Mm-hmm. And, in another vein, we often have people who put themselves out on either social media or sites attempting to enter into a relationship, do we not?
Jim: And, their profile is always saying what they have to offer. What they have that other people would find desirable.
Mike: They’re trying to tell their story – again, to be accepted. Please accept me. Please go out with me.
Jim: We’ve often talked about this in previous podcasts when we talk about self-concept, which is facts and information you know about yourself. Self-esteem is how you interpret the facts and information about yourself, which is often skewed by the perceptions of others. So, quite often people aren’t exactly truthful on their profiles are they, Mike?
Mike: No. Absolutely not. Again, they want to make sure they’re saying the right things and please accept me.
Jim: Or perhaps they fudge their resumes in order to be acceptable to the people, or place – situation that they’re trying to ingratiate themselves into. However, on Fishing Without Bait our philosophy is to enter into a situation without definitive expectations. To present ourselves and to tell the truth. So, our suggestion often is to – on our profile, to list the requirements, what it takes to be with you. What requirements do you have to be in your presence? Our advice out there – our suggestion is always never settle. How often have you settled in your life, Mike?
Mike: Definitely when you’re talking about career and life choices, you know, there’s definitely been a few times.
Jim: Just good enough. Well, that’s good enough.
Mike: Well, that’s acceptable. Well, I could live with that.
Jim: When we live life out loud, let’s not settle. I’ll give you a little experience out of my past. At one time I was in position to interview people for jobs. And, in this particular organization it was relatively important that we place qualified people. So, however, what are some of the standard questions that are asked during interviews, Mike?
Mike: What is your greatest flaw?
Jim: What is your greatest flaw? Tell me about a time that you failed. Tell me why we should hire you. Give me some reasons that this company should be interested in you. What do you have to offer to us?
Mike: Why would we be better for having you around?
Jim: Yes, indeed. That’s kind of disrespectful.
Mike: It can be. Because, you’re – again, you’re perpetuating that idea of why should we accept you?
Jim: And, what we often talk about on Fishing Without Bait is starting that relationship with yourself, taking an inventory of your gifts, talents, and abilities, and avoid trying to join a golf league when you’re an excellent bowler. So, one afternoon I was interviewing this individual, and I asked the standard question – tell me why we should hire you. How you can integrate yourself into this company. How you can make us better. So, at the end of the interview we often ask questions, do we not? The interviewer asks for questions and says, well, do you have questions to ask us?
Mike: And, it’s usually the typical stuff of – So , what’s the dress code here? Do you have outings? Or, what’s the benefit package?
Jim: Sure, what are the hours? What are the benefits? What’s the pay? What’s the future with the company? However, this individual stopped and they said why should I work for you? Give me some reasons that I should be employed by you? What type of fulfilment do you have to offer me? And, at that point, I sat back in my chair and I said my friend, now you have MY interest.
Mike: It’s not often that you get that feedback of – I think I want a little more than a paycheck out of this relationship we’re about to start.
Jim: This person had confidence in their abilities. They didn’t come in subservient and begging for a job. Trying to be found worthy. How often do people go through their lives trying to be found worthy? Or make themselves worthy?
Mike: And, it’s so amazing – because, talking about the job situation. I had, several years ago, an opportunity – somebody asked if I’d like to be hired to do a certain job. It was one of those things I was doing. I was doing this kind of work where I had a lot of things going on. I didn’t need the job. And, I realized how liberating that was to not need to be accepted by these people that I was interviewing with.
Jim: One of the suggestions that we often give here on this program of Fishing Without Bait is to take every opportunity as if you’re applying for a loan that you do not need.
Mike: Mm-hmm. Absolutely.
Jim: Is your life going to be over if you don’t get that particular position? Is your life is going to be over if you don’t get that relationship? The perfect relationship that you’re looking for?
Mike: It’s something that mirrors life in career, right? Because how many go through I’m going to go through school. I’m going to get this job. And, I will not accept anything less than that thing happening. Whether that be – you know, whatever the motivation may be behind that. And, if that doesn’t happen, it is over for them, and they don’t know how to handle that. Which goes along with our day-to-day and our expectations that we talk about on this show.
Jim: We talk about definitive expectations. We talk about the guilt and the shame when we attempt to live up to the unreasonable expectations of ourselves or others. And, we’ve often talked about how we are much more interested in what’s right with you rather than deficiencies. We’ve often stated in past episodes if you’re not welcome anywhere else, you’re certainly welcome here. We’re much more interested in what’s right with you. We challenge everyone out there to use those words of power that we discussed in previous episodes. I am, and I choose. I am. And, I choose. And, we’ve often talked about hearing those words being spoken out loud by yourself. I choose may be the two most powerful words in language. How often do you deal with people that feel that they have no choice? That feel that they’re disrespected and they’re disenfranchised?
Mike: I definitely run into those people from time to time, usually around their job.
Jim: Indeed. And, when you have those choices, you use the I am statements. I am – and tell the truth. And, say it to yourself. I’m sure other people have built you up throughout your life when you’ve been down and told you what a wonderful person you are. And, really and truly how much affect did that have? How much did that resonate with you?
Mike: Absolutely. There is definitely a problem of you just kind of shrug off the positivity because it’s so inside your head. It’s so engrained.
Jim: And, getting back to previous podcasts again, we start to address this inner critic inside ourselves. I’m challenging everyone out there to stand back and speak to yourself as if you were speaking to a friend.
Mike: Much like we talked about last episode.
Jim: Indeed. Speaking to a friend. We talked about surfing through life. We’ve discussed so many different topics on this particular program that my hope is that people will go back and review some of the podcasts that we’ve done previously where we’re presenting another perspective on life. We kind of take the opposite view. We ask not so much as what you can get out of life as to what you bring to it. And, this of course involves choices. This involves your power words – I am, and I choose. My hope is that everyone here explodes into their life. To life surf. To have a freeform type of life. So, when you have gymnastics, most of them have set routines, do they not? So, generally at the end of every championship or performance after the champion is crowned, they allow them to do freeform. Where they allow them to skate. Where they allow them to participate in gymnastic activities – in any way that they choose. And, then they can really, really use their gifts, talents, and abilities and step out of that comfort zone. Step out of the template of life. Are you running your life on a template? My hope is that you are not. And, if you would review the episode that we did on stepping out of your comfort zone, identifying and labeling the barriers and the bonds that separate you from thinking outside the box. And, that’s where change takes place. Not inside that comfort zone. And, we challenge you. Use those words I choose and I am. Let’s set definitive expectations about what you’re expecting out of life. What challenges that they have out there for you that you can accomplish. And, until then, do a kindness for yourself. Do a kindness for another. Namaste.