Ode to Self-Love



today i slept in until 9 and tried my best not to feel guilty about it/i had lots of coffee and cookie dough ice cream and resisted the urge to pull out the scale/and i thought maybe this is it/maybe this is self-love

like taking a nap three hours after i wake up is an affirmation that i am still a decent human being/but that would imply that i am decent/that is false/gorging on ice cream in your underwear at noon on a tuesday is indecent/i set myself a precedent that drinking alone at 3pm is treating yourself

and you know/sometimes that’s okay/as long as i keep pushing/as long as i spend most of my days doing what really makes me happy

ice cream is not happiness/vodka is not happiness/vodka ice cream is a horrible idea and definitely not happiness

if i go to bed hungover bloated and hating myself it is not happiness/and it is destroying my body and my mind/how can i keep skating by/self-medication is not self-love

but what is self-love/it is working toward not feeling guilty/but also not destroying yourself/self-love is self-care/it is taking a shower and not drinking at dinner/it is working on relationships/on your future/on the little things and the big things that you daydream about while you’re sitting on the bus

self-love is work/and sometimes/a lot of the time/i don’t know where to start/or to end/like a painting with no under drawing/i am that messy canvas and maybe/maybe one day i’ll be proud of myself enough to finish that painting


Find more with Sheena Carroll on Fishing Without Bait episodes 129, 130, and 131 on this channel or subscribe on your favorite Podcast provider! 

You can find more of Sheena Carroll's work online on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/akamissmacross/).